Your Healing Matters

There are times, even still, after all the years of work, healing, learning and unlearning that I have done, when I feel weak, small and like I have no clue what I am doing. I feel like I am failing and that nothing I do is enough. 

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, locking myself away from the outside world forever.

In the past, I would see these moments as proof I have failed. These times of defeat would prove to me that all the work I had done was for nothing. It would unravel every Medicine journey, retreat, yoga practice and training I had ever done. Making it meaningless.

Now, though, in these vulnerable, raw waves of emotion; I hold myself while I curl up in a ball and cry. I give myself the time and space I need away from others. I allow myself a Sanctuary to feel these extremely tender feelings. I give myself what I need. However silly it may seem. Sleeping outside. Watching movies that draw the tears from my eyes. Sit curled up in a blanket with a hot cup of Cacao. Talk to a friend. Howl at the Moon.

Today I see these moments as exponential growth. I used to think healing was about not feeling this way anymore. Once I "healed" myself, I would go to those dark spaces ever again. But healing, true healing, is about creating space for those spaces to be walked through and explored. To be felt deep done to my bones. To give myself everything I need to feel safe enough to go that deep. Healing isn't about feeling better. It's about being able to feel. To feel everything. 

Sacred and Wild Love to you, Brothers and Sisters,
Jenn