I Am My Own Warden
It has now been over a month since I have left my 9-5 and it has been absolutely magnificent! And terrifying, trying, intense, insane, magical, scary and so many other things all at the same time!
This Journey outside of the structured career path is very similar to a journey that I went into a few years back. The Medicine was calling for me to go out into the middle of the forest and sit with it there. No buildings, no other people, no city, no facilitator, just me and the Earth.* It was November in Northern Arizona so it got below freezing at nights while I was bundled up in my tent. I gathered firewood during the day (which taught me that i tend to need more than what I provide for myself. In many areas), cooked over the fire and journeyed with the Medicine at night for 3 consecutive nights.
Let me tell you, it truly was an act of purification. I came face to face with myself. I had no one else to blame for the discomfort, or the difficulty, or the resistance or any of the sticky shit I was walking through. Nope, it was all me. There was so much dissonance that there was an audible hum in the air. I kept looking to the sky expecting to see planes all over the place from the sound of the hum that was constant, but no, the sky was clear except for the beauty of the stars. What was I going to do? Blame the dissonance on the stars and trees? I mean…
The medicine was very clear. I had no one else to blame how out of harmony with my natural state of being I had become. The hum, the discomfort, the stickiness…that was all me. There was no partner to blame it on, no facilitator, no other journeyers, just me and the trees. It was my work to be done to bring me back into aligned harmony.
It’s the same experience now. The overworking, the full schedule, the overwhelm. I have no job or boss to blame this on. It’s all me. The choices I make, the patterned habits I have lived with my whole life. It’s a hard pill to swallow (Red or Blue Neo?) however it’s also a very exciting time! Because once I see it and own it I get to change it. Now that it is all mine, no one else’s, I have all the power to change it.
It feels like I am crossing a line by choosing unravel these tightly wound beliefs I have about what I “should be doing” to be successful. Because I am! I am turning my back on the cultural standard work ethic more and more each day! My goal is to have 2 day work weeks and 5 day weekends. Yes, that’s right! And there is no one that can stop me! (but me!)
So here is to breaking the chains that I put on myself. Here is to destroying the cage I put myself in. Here is to ripping out of the “should’s”, “supposed to’s” and every other belief, identity, thought and story I have in my mind of what being a successful Woman looks like and making my own path in my own way, every single day!
Sacred and Wild Love to you all!
Jenn
*I DO NOT recommend doing any Medicine Journey’s without the proper support to ensure Safety. I do not promote, support or condone partaking in any illegal activities.
