Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!
Sex!!
A taboo topic to talk about to some, yet a potent topic of Safety for all. This week in The Sacred Wild we are tapping into the embodiment of Safety in our Outer World and what came to my mind as I was contemplating this aspect of the Pathway of Safety I went into my experience with expressing and experiencing my sexuality along with the sexual Safety aspect that accompanies this adventure.
Sexual safety wasn’t even in my vocabulary until I was in my mid thirties. How did I make it this far with no unplanned pregnancies or STI’s? Your guess is as good as mine! That just wasn’t part of my path, I suppose.
Now that sexual safety IS in my vocabulary, I still get uncomfortable talking about it with potential partners. Asking questions like, “When was the last time you were tested for STD’s?’ or “When was the last time you were sexually active with a partner?” is still awkward for me. Which is probably why my number of new sexual partner is non-existent over the last few years.
But why?
Why should the importance I put on my safety and my partners safety for that matter, be something I feel awkward about? Well, firstly it wasn’t normalized for me as a child. The only time a conversation about sex was offered was when I was getting yelled at for sneaking a boy in to the apartment have sex with him at the age of 13. Now, it was a small 2 bedroom apartment, so the fact that I got away with it for as long as I did is mighty impressive to me!!
Aside from my impressive feats of incognito sexual escapades, the only thing I knew about sex was what I learned in the classroom and what I unwillingly learned from my experience of sexual abuse as a child. Sexual abuse that I wasn’t comfortable telling anyone about, by the way. Maybe if sex was a normalized conversation I would have felt more comfortable and secure bringing it up to someone who could have helped me. This is how important it is to normalize conversations around sex and sexual safety. You never know who you are giving permission to, that needs it, to ask for help or tell you they are in a dangerous situation.
So here are some simple and easy things we can do to embody Safety in the sexual arena:
TALK ABOUT IT! - Yes, it is that easy! Sex is not bad or wrong. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are sexual beings. We were literally made from the act of sex. So let’s normalize the topic of sex.
HAVE THE SEXUAL SAFETY CONVERSATION BEFORE HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE - This, to me, is one of the most profound expressions of Love and Respect you can offer someone. Ask to see their last STI testing results. Ask when they were last sexually active. If they were sexually active after their last testing, request that they be tested again. Share your boundaries and ask about theirs. Talk about soft limits and hard limits. Discuss if this is an open connection where you each are seeing other people or if you both want to only see each other. Or maybe one of each! There is no wrong way here. There is aligned or not aligned. This is an exploration and curiosity is our best friend!
CONTEMPLATE YOUR BOUNDARIES BEFORE YOUR CONVERSATION - Before you head out on your sexual adventure, think about your boundaries before hand so you are grounded in them and not trying to fumble on the spot to figure them out without the time, energy, attention, intention your safety deserves. Any questions you have for potential partners are questions your should explore for yourself as well!
KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING - This is not a one and done conversation. Things change constantly, including your boundaries, interests and limits. Make sure that this conversation is ongoing and share any changes that may arise. Changes are natural, and though sometimes they can activate some intense emotions, it is always best to be authentic and honest in your conversations.
GET SUPPORT! - You don’t have to do this alone! There are many coaches out there that will be more than happy to guide you in your exploration of Sexual Safety and how to embody that safety in your interactions with others.
IT’S A PRACTICE - Be gentle with yourself through this Journey. It isn’t about getting it exactly right all the time, it’s about this becoming a priority and allowing yourself grace and compassion as you learn to integrate this into your day to day Life. Being hard on yourself or even abusive towards yourself for making a mistake or not having a conversation before sex does not create an environment that supports growth, expansion and success. So Love yourself the way you desire and deserve to be Loved!
Normalizing conversations around sex and sexual safety is a very easy way to create change and impact in your World. Be a Leader and talk about sex, baby!
Sacred and Wild Love,
Always and in all ways,
Jenn
