Teaching the new generation…

The last couple of days I have stayed home with my daughter. She called me at 5 a.m. on Monday from her dad’s asking if she could miss school because her anxiety was really bad. Without hesitation my response was “Absolutely, baby girl, I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself”

What’s interesting is that I am teaching my daughter this while I am learning it myself. And unlearning what I was taught. As I lay in bed that morning, waiting for my daughter to come home my heart races, my mind is full of self deprecating thoughts as I debate whether or not I should stay home with my daughter. This decision in my mind and body feels like a Life or Death decision.

No, I’m not overexaggerating. When I was younger I was taught that the only way I could miss school or work was if I was physically unable to attend. Meaning if I had broken limb, I was dying or had a crippling sickness was the only time it was okay to miss school or work. Being tired, anxiety, PTSD or just needing a self care day was NEVER something that would have warranted missing school or work.

Self care was not a phrase I knew of as a child. Not because I wasn’t allowed, but because my mom never cared for her self. It wasn’t in her vocabulary. She was never taught as a child so how could she have known to teach me? Not to mention she was a single mom raising to girls by being a server at IHOP after saving me and my Sister from an abusive family situation.

And here I am, telling my daughter how proud I am of her for speaking her needs, taking the day off to care for her self and doing the same thing myself. Over the last two days I have stepped back and witnessed my parenting and am in awe. How do I know how to do this? I was never taught. It goes against everything I was taught. Hell! I’m still stumbling through learning this myself without throwing myself into a panic attack!

But my daughter…mmm….my daughter will have this as her baseline way of being. She will know how valuable self care is. She will have been celebrated for choosing herself instead of shamed. She will know that SHE is more important than any job or grade. And THAT is what will change this world.

-Jenn Morales