Are you Safe?
I wasn’t taught what Safety was, let alone that MY safety was a priority. I used to roll my eyes, laugh and say something condescending to people who worried about Safety. It was a joke in my world, something non-existent, a luxury.
I was 38 years old when Safety came into my vocabulary and began to be a priority for me. I remember when I first realized that sexual safety was important and I could make it a priority. I was so excited! Jumping up and down excited! When I shared my excitement about our sexual safety with my partner at the time, he accused me of trying to control him with his new partner (we were in an open relationship) when I asked that everyone get tested before we continue having sex. The fact that we were in an open relationship and neither one of us had sexual safety in our vocabulary gives you an idea of the life I was used to living.
I am now 41 and Safety is one of the top most priorities of my Life. And I am still learning what this is. Currently I am learning what financial Safety means in my Life and how to change my choices and behavior to make financial Safety a priority. I have $34 in savings and am now paying all of my bills on time, which is a huge step forward from where I was in the past. Payday loans and negative balances in my bank account haven’t happened in quite some time. As I learn, I truly feel like a child figuring this out. Because that is the level of understanding and experience I have right now.
As I write this, there are tears forming in my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. Safety should never be something that is just being learned at the age of 38. Every child should know what Safety is and that their Safety is a PRIORITY. The truth is, I didn’t know that I didn’t know what Safety was. It’s a neat little trick that our brain does to keep us from losing our minds in continuously unsafe situations, especially as children. It tells us that the violence and abuse we are experiencing IS Safety.
This is why so many people stay in abusive relationships for so long. To them, the danger is leaving and staying is what is Safe. Because at least they know they are able to handle the abuse they are experiencing now. If they leave, they may not be able to handle the abuse out there. Nowhere in their mind is the reality that abuse doesn’t have to, nor should it, exist at all. How do I know this? Because these were the thoughts that were living in my head before I was able to leave my abusive relationship. It took me years before I could even call the relationship abusive because I felt bad putting that label on him.
It’s a practice, every day. To remember that my well being is my number one priority every morning. That my Safety comes first and every time I choose that, my children see it and now KNOW deep in their bones that their Safety is the most important thing. They don’t have to learn about Safety from the dangerous positions they put themselves in because they already know what if feels like to be Safe.
This is the work that we are all doing. Healing ourselves so it isn’t even a blip on the radar for the next generation. Every time we are willing to look at the dark and scary spaces. Every time we choose differently. Every time we Love instead of hate, celebrate instead of shame, embrace instead of judge. Every time we hold a boundary and honor someone else’s boundary. Hell, let’s not just honor boundaries, but let’s celebrate the fuck out of people when they hold boundaries! we all know how awkward and uncomfortable it can feel when we hold a boundary, especially when we first start! So let’s make it easier on everyone and acknowledge their strength when they share their boundaries. Because we all know we wish someone would have done that for us when we started our learning!
And that is exactly why I am doing what I am doing now. Because I wish I had this when I was learning ow to heal. If you would like to have support while you are on your Journey, join the Sacred Wild Community. It is a private online Community and is only $11 a month as we are just starting to grow! Join now and become a founding member!
